Heartbreaks!! It’s alright…it’s not “broken”… :)

I will try and advise, as per the best that I know and have experienced, on how one can deal with a broken heart. First up, most probably crying is what is coming out of you; do it. Go ahead and cry, cry a lot. Let it all out; it’s cleansing. But once you empty yourself out, then that is it. Tell yourself, looking into a mirror if you would, that you will try and not cry anymore. Tell yourself, that feeling hurt and thus crying is a natural outcome of something that you have gone through.

Start with taking deep, rejuvenating breaths. Straighten your spine (also symbolically lifting your spirits), and breath in, slowly filling your lungs imagining fresh, lightness filling your being. Hold for just a moment, and then let go. Deeply, through the nose, not pushing, but just letting go.

1. Tell yourself that a broken heart, obviously, is a psychological state, cos’ of course the heart does not break; it is flesh and blood and still beating, the reason that you are alive and well enough to be reading this. A lot of times we start flowing with the river of tears and disappointing, saddening thoughts, and end up going too far. Telling yourself simple, logical facts like these could help in staying close to the edge, to solidity and strength.

Take a (or more, if you feel like it) deep, rejuvenating breath.

2. Get out of that moment. Try and look at the bigger picture; your larger life. A few years, or months that you were with that person could not possibly compare with your whole life. Think of what you were doing before you met that person; think of all the happy moments. Your family, your friends…. And then think of all the things you will, you can, do now, after that person. Start planning, and looking forward to life, a new life.

Think about your life, not your life with that person who is not there anymore. Get serious about your life and tell yourself that you are worth it. You ARE worth it, and your time, your moments are too precious to while away crying and thinking about things that were never meant to be.

Take a (or more, if you feel like it) deep, rejuvenating breath.

3. Think about what happened; analyse it. If the separation happened due to death, or something one has no control over, then give yourself time. Time is the best healer, like they all say; it’s true. Get up, and try and get busy doing something, anything. Stitch, embroider, sing, play, make pots, paint,…anything. Don’t give up.

But if the other person simply left, or opted out, then you have to see and understand that well, it wasn’t, isn’t, meant to be. A relationship is a mutual agreement (over anything, or nothing) between two (or more) people. It is not, it should not, be binding in anyway. It is not a jail term. Promises, especially in romantic relationships, are made under certain (special) circumstances. A lot of times, the sheer novelty of it, the rush of those warm emotions when you’ve just met and it is all oh so new and nice takes us places where we would not go normally, and we end up committing to things that for certain individuals could prove to be a bit much. And when, after a while, when our systems return to normal and we gauge the extent to which we have gone away from what we deem as normal in us, we start to pull away. At such times, one needs to be a bit understanding. Give the other person some space.

If they decide to leave eventually, let them. Don’t try and make them stay, or argue or discuss. Please know, that you deserve the best. And the best for you is the one who has no doubt at all about being with you. If there is any doubts in their heart and you manage to make them stay, it’s just going to cause more damage and heartache in the future, to both of you. Let them go…Rather it’s good that they left. If they were staying with you and were not there a 100%, they were completely wasting your time, and your precious emotions. Definitely let them go.

Take a new hobby, or an old one. Go for that long bike ride you had been wanting to go on for so long; or a movie marathon weekend; or a trip to hill-station or that beach; or those yoga classes; or that perfect weekend with perfect strangers. 🙂

Take a (or more, if you feel like it) deep, rejuvenating breath.

4. SMILE!! Even if you have to force it initially. Smile. Smile at everyone, at everything. That uncle, that auntie, that dog, that tree, those flowers, esp the flowers…they smile back, always. Smile and get up. Move that ass. Take a bus, or a train. Buy a li’l camera and click a few pictures.

Take a (or more, if you feel like it) deep, rejuvenating breath.

5. TALK…about it. Empty out your heart. If you are not comfortable talking about it, then write about it, or about it to yourself.

Take a (or more, if you feel like it) deep, rejuvenating breath.

A new door has opened for you. A lot of new doors have opened for you. Smile, think about all the possibilities. You are at the railway station now, or airport if you will. Catch the next flight, a new train. Don’t look back. Leave behind that heavy baggage. Take along just the beautiful memories, lessons learnt.

It hasn’t broken, your heart. Might just feel like it has. But it’s fine, it’s all fine.

Take a (or more, if you feel like it) deep, rejuvenating breath. And smile.. 🙂

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Where is God! What is Love!

Do you believe in God? Do you not believe, in anything, at all?

I feel it is important; to believe. What you believe in, is not so much important. Believe in whatever makes you happy, in whatever gives you strength; it is better than not believing, is what I feel. Believe in yourself, believe in happiness (not happyness :P), believe that one day you will learn how to speak that language, that it’s in you to do it, and you will, when you truly will. “God” is whatever makes you happy, whatever gives you that strength, whatever works for you.

Some find that strength, and happiness, in a stone, or stone idle; some find it in the sky; some look for it (and find it) in and around trees (like me :)), and some within themselves, where it always is, always has been. For some it is eventually Love, that is God.

Where is God, is like asking ‘What is love’. Answers so easy, and yet so difficult.

Gotta Break the Mould!!

We are dying for a change, esp us women, maybe only us women. Some (too few) guys are just tagging along. Some of us (nope, not me) are doing something about it; putting in some effort; in raising awareness, bringing people together, at least trying and bringing about some change, at whatever level they can, the smallest even. The change when ‘women empowerment’ is not just a movement raging within the offices of a handful of activists and in a few articles here and there scattered across the media. The change when a woman, every woman, would be empowered, truly, completely.

And what are we doing about that? Absolutely nothing. Some years back, I was working on a project and our client was an American firm. They were pretty clear about having content that does not show any bias or discrimination towards a race, color, class, or gender. And we saw exactly what they meant when we did a little research. Most books now in the US actively show girls as protagonists. For example, if they are talking about rocket science, the illustration would show a girl as a rocket scientist. Now that’s actively doing something. They made a conscious choice of empowering the women in their society and they knew that the littlest of the things are going to matter. They made them matter. And the same goes for their media and the image of a woman shown in their current media channels.

What about our media? We have ads that pompously show a woman as a glorified maid (MTR) waking up in the morning and happily cooking whatever it is that each individual family member “orders”. We have (milk-shake-powder) ads that show a mother giving milk to a boy to make him stronger; please do note how most of these ads do not show a girl whose bones need strengthening. [[By the way you do not need milk for your bones. Whatever milk you need is the one you get from your mommy; it’s enough to help you build a good enough immune system and bones and all of your body. Cow’s (or buffalo’s) milk is for the cow (or buffalo) baby. The torture that both the cow and calf are put through is disturbing; but that is another topic.]] Almost all of our media caters to the image of a wife as only a home maker (cook, care-taker) and the man as the provider. The new Titan ad for example. Apart from having all nicely (and cutely) chubby women, in a garden party/picnic, they show the women cooking and the men just…standing around. And to top that, we have the amazing, truly empowered actor Priyanka Chopra flaunting the huge diamond ring on her finger, that her dad gave her, saying that any man worthy of her should be able to top that. Like that is all a man brings to a relationship. Money! Material comfort!?!

I once had a woman argue with me about how it was unthinkable to give a baby the mother’s name. (I gave my baby my name; she just could not fathom the depths of my stupidity in doing so.) Today’s woman does not even want to hear that it is alright to give your child your name. That it is alright to not let go of your identity once married. Some who do, still feel the need to “hyphenate”; for what? To placate their husband’s (or his family’s) ego? We have a long, long, really long way to go. A woman, as an independent individual, is lost. SHE does not exist anymore. To exist, she needs a crutch, a father, then her husband. She may do nothing else but devote her days and nights to look after her husband’s home and their kids.

Loving parents who love both their daughter and their son will provide the best of education and required support to the son so that he grows up and earns well. What do they do for the daughter? They indulge her, buy her nice clothes, horde lots of cash and jewelry for her so that some day, just as she is completely dependent (and helpless) on daddy today, she becomes completely dependent (and helpless) on the husband tomorrow.

Jago, Jago grahani jago. Behen jago. Ma jago. Beti jago. Bahu…you definitely jago.

Being a stay-at-home wife does not give your husband or his family any right to treat you like a maid. Though nothing compares to being financially and emotionally independent, self-sufficient. But if you can’t, and it’s understandable as you have been brought up to never think for yourself and been let free so you could spread your wings, or taught and advised enough so you could take the right steps when do actually step out into the real world. If you can’t, then start with being independent and self-sufficient where you are. Take small steps at a time. A (very) brave girl I know told me this little story. Her husband used to keep asking her to get him this and get him that. So this one time when he asked her to get his some water, she told him coolly that if he asked her to get him water one more time, she’s gonna spit into it and give it to him. He never asked her to get water again. I think that is a clever thing to do. Show him that you are not here to serve him. Step out of the kitchen; start getting involved in things that concern other things than meals, taking care of the house, laundry. This country, your children, will have a truly beautiful future only if you have a truly beautiful, independent, self-sufficient today. Only an evolved, mature mother can nurture an evolved mature next generation. We desperately need it.

Watch this scary and deeply saddening video: No Country for Women!!

Good living, good life…

I haven’t been feeling myself of late; a few days maybe, maybe a week. My daily routines have gone for a toss since I moved out of Pondi. My breathwork (pranayam), my smoothies, salads, controlled sleep cycle, exercise. It’s taking a toll on my RA (Rheumatoid Arthritis). I like my own space (kitchen esp) to stick to my way of living. And that is one thing imperative for my health; my way of living. And since I am not earning anything right now, I am not able to move to someplace where I can afford the way I live. Soon, hopefully. 🙂 A couple of months I am estimating; maybe three. On top of that the week in McLeod’s. An all-time favorite place of mine. The long, long walks, up and down the mountain slopes. The fatigue added up. Thank heavens I did not go for the Triund trek, though I was tempted. Besides Cy didn’t want me to go; she still thinks that M and I had got lost the last time coming back from Triund. 🙂 I didn’t lose our way, but just side-tracked for a little while.

So feeling the effects of a dampened health, I was thinking about all the things I need to start doing ASAP to regain my health, and of course hence, the spiritual connection with the universe. Though I know that the universe will never give up on me; I wanna be healthy and happy enough to take it’s love and fruits in abundance. An unhealthy, unhappy body (or mind) is like a closed house. Only good health, joy, and cheer can open all the doors and windows to let all the fresh air and natural light come in. And since I was thinking of things that I need to do for myself, I thought that I’d type it all down, for all my loved ones. 🙂

Needless to say that spiritual development is imperative for a happy, truly healthy life. Spiritual development is not related to worshipping, religious faith, or any such…stuff. Spiritual development is the development of the self, connecting to the “one” within (or “two” or multiple withins; but that could require medical attention; take adequate required care) and being at peace with that (and hence) everything outside. A lot of times one starts to use a “deity” as a crutch, or as a holding hand trying to understand, or reach, that which is the self (only). heeheehee!! 🙂

Spiritual development, or health, is directly connected with both physical and mental health. A lot of times one directly affects the other. For example, it is helpful to start exercising reguarly if you are not able to meditate and vice versa. But you will benefit maximum if you do a little bit of both. Religiously inclined people find that effect in the daily ritual regime, thereby providing a somewhat similar output or result. The difference being, you learn to make the roti from your “deity” and that all you do everyday, for the rest of your life. When you could have easily learned other things too like different kinds of rotis and paranthas and maybe have had a richer (spiritually) life. (Long) walks help me immensely to be at peace and relax. Ah! I miss walking around in McLeod Ganj. I love that place. I am going off-topic, but this one time I had almost settled down there, working as a teacher and a general aid provider in the rehabilitation center, after a short fling with a cute, really nice Tibetan. 🙂 Sighhh….If only… 🙂

Anyways, this is my ideal routine:
I wake up and stretch, and I try to stretch all my joints, taking care of how I breath while doing so. Surya namaskar is the best thing to do first thing in the morning, followed by a few pranayams. This is something I haven’t been doing for some months, and hence the physical discomforts and pains that I am feeling now.

I had started rinsing my mouth with oil, but haven’t been doing that either for quite sometime. It is called ‘oil pulling’ and supposed to be very good for your oral health. Sesame oil is recommended, but one can use coconut or almond oil. Take a cap full of oil, close your mouth, and swish the oil about in your mouth, like you would a mouthwash (I’d suggest you avoid using chemical-based mouthwashes; they are very strong and harmful to your health in the long run). Do that for 5-15 mins and then spit the oil out; you’d notice that the oil is white now. Ensure that not one drop goes in and this is bacteria-rich oil and could be harmful.

I then start my day with one large glass of warm water with a lemon squeezed in. Cy hates warm water so I haven’t yet been able to boss her into doing it. Followed by some fruit after about 20 mins; ensuring that the fruit is season’s fruit. Giving Cy an orange everyday in the winters keeps colds, coughs, and flu etc away.

With/for your breakfast try and inculcate the habit of consuming hot ginger water, or ginger green tea. Smash some ginger and boil it in the water for your tea. Prepare the (big) cup with a green tea-bag, some dried mint leaves, and a sweetner. Avoid sugar. I use shakkar (crushed jaggery), as I avoid honey too. Pour the hot ginger water in and have it. It’ll do loads of good to your overall health. Dropping a thin slice of lemon in won’t hurt.

I have always enjoyed paranthas and rotis for b’fast. One of our most favorite sandwich is the roti sandwich where I put some mayonnaise (eggless) on the roti and then put layers of lettuce, cucumber, some onions, and capsicum, and some leftover sabzi (preferably aloo), fold it like a taco and yummm.

Keep hydrating yourself through the day. If you are not able to keep away from coffee then ensure a glassful of water before and after a cup of coffee. I’ve heard the french do this routinely. They do have good skin. 🙂

An hour’s walk, or jog, or whatever anytime between 5:00 and 6:30.

I have dinner by 6:30-7:00. I loooooove a bowl full of moong dal (soup) with some veggies. Or some other soup. I mostly just steam stuff in the pressure cooker and then blend it in the blender. One of my favorite is to fry huge chunks of onion and then pumpkin, a few whistles in the pressure cooker, and the blender and yummm… 🙂 You can add spices etc and other things for taste accordingly.

If i haven’t worked out earlier, I’d like to go by 7 and then have something light. Or eat by 6:30, wait for a couple of hrs and then go for a nice long walk.

Another thing I’d like to add. I switched to completely natural facewash long back and have been immensely happy with it. For all the people who look for neem this and aloe that, why not use the real stuff. I use 1:1 besan and powdered (dried) orange peel, mixed with some crushed almonds and dahi, twice a day, like any regular facewash. I use gel of the aloevera that grows in my garden as a moisturizer. I use coconut oil on my face at night, over the aloevera gel once it dries. It’s a good tanning oil so not a good idea to wear during the day for people who wish to avoid getting tanned. My facial skin had never looked better. You can vary ingredients as per your skin requirements. I love bathing with just besan and dahi too; but just get lazy and use the soap. Skin feels gorgeous after a good besan and dahi rub. 🙂