First, this write-up does not discourage people from being in a relationship, or encourage single living. What is encouraged is realising whether you are in a “healthy” relationship or if it’s eroding you from the inside. If it is killing you slowly, then yes, moving away from it is encouraged and single life recommended.
Sorry my loved ones. My days normally tend to start in the evenings, so my “Valentine’s Day” starts now. 🙂 I remember the first time I had heard about Valentine’s Day; I was in grade 9. A friend called up and wish me a Happy Valentine’s Day; and I had asked what is it.
Love, is something that has intrigued me, since my early teens (not anymore though, it doesn’t “intrigue” me anymore). As a teenager, I did not really believe in it, and quite made fun of those around claiming to be a pair. I remember boasting that I am never going to marry, as a child, as a teenager, which, some my aunts used to make fun of; all girls say that…heeheehee. And even as a child, I always had a doll, not a girly doll, but a baby doll that I used to pretend to be a mommy of. Funny, how it all turned out. 🙂 I remember strongly arguing with a friend of mine once, in my first job in my early 20s, how a dad is not really required (the friend was arguing that a child needs both the parents for a healthy growth). My point being that what any child requires, growing up, is complete love and support and it doesn’t really matter where it comes from. Of course, it’s great if both the parents are there, together, happily together, but it’s not imperative for a healthy growth.
Just what I feel about being in a relationship. Notice that I have not used the word love. A lot of times we tend to equate romantic love with love. We need love to live well, not necessarily romantic love, or being in a relationship with someone. Of course, it will be great if there is someone, someone to love, someone to share stuff with, someone to care about, someone that cares back; but it is not imperative. It is a bonus, like being born a gazillionaire, but it’s ok if we do not have a lot of money; we can be live happily ever after without that too.
Look around you, look a little beyond your immediate circle of good friends. Look at life, people, in general. Couples fight, couples bicker, couples are miserable. A lot of couples get together for many not-right reasons. For me, the only reason to be together with someone is if you love them, no other reason suffices. The most common being, ‘I don’t wanna be alone’, or, ‘I am lonely’. That is one of the worst reasons to get married, or be in a relationship with someone, for my loves, it is a selfish reason, and in love, it is never a good thing to be selfish. That is where, or how, the misery starts, then fights. We start with selfish reasons and then we go on being selfish, until there is no ‘us’ left, but just a ‘you’ and ‘me’. Remember, there is never a separate you or me in love, in a loving relationship; there is always ‘us’, one single unit.
Learn to live alone; learn to stay alone and stay happy, then go out and go ahead and find someone who is also happy being with their own selves. Two grown-up, fully mature people come together and create a mature, loving, healthy love relationship. Have you seen people totally in love and togetherness; how they rarely fight (no, fighting is not a part of being in a relationship; get over it)? Not only do they rarely fight, they are good, complete, wholesome, successful individuals within themselves, by themselves. Because not only they are mature, happy people who tend to make the right decisions and live good, happy lives; their partners (if they have one) adds value to their lives, and vice versa, thus both adding positively to each other’s lives and well-being. Of course, that is an ideal situation, a little fight does happen, among everyone, that is natural. But if you are fighting quite regularly, something is wrong, get away, take time out, take stock of the situation. Your love partner adds on to your life, good things. When you think of them, you should have a small on your face, a loving, sweet smile, not a frown, or worry lines on your forehead.
I have rarely seen such couples; there aren’t many around me. Couples that actually, complete each other. I feel that it is rare, and very lucky, for someone to find true (romantic) love, a love that makes you truly blossom, and makes you a better person. Like I said, it is rare, and very lucky, to be born a gazillionaire, or find a huge fortune and live a life of crazy luxury, not caring one bit about the environment. But that does not make the rest of us, the non-rich folk, from living a good, happy, peaceful, content, satisfied life. The same with love; we are lucky, we will find it, but don’t let that be the pinnacle of a happy life for you.
Learn to live, happily ever after, with yourself, first. Whatever else needs to come, will come. Let’s make this world better, one happy person at a time. 🙂
~As posted originally on http://www.teerathyatra.com/