A perfect (life) partner, is wishful thinking. It’s something that may exist in an ideal world. We don’t live in an ideal world, sadly. We desperately keep trying to create idealistic environment(s) around ourselves to make ourselves (temporarily) happy, yet, every now-and-then, cribbing, complaining, whining, getting angry. At people, situations, around us, him, her, this, that. All the while not realising that ideality comes from within us. Our environment, what we wish to create, has to radiate out, from within us. The same goes for having a “perfect” partner. Are we perfect ourselves, or at least trying to be?
First, define, what exactly is your idea of a perfect partner, for you, to cater to your needs. Some may like complete independence; I don’t interfere in your shit, you don’t interfere in mine. Some appreciate 100% trust and honesty. Some prefer some things hidden from them. Some may even appreciate a bit of jealousy emanating from their respective partners, every now-and-then; though it may not be healthy. Define your ideal partner, qualities you may like in a person who is around you almost all the time. Do you want them around almost all the time? Would they appreciate if you share this thought with them, that you may not want them around almost all the time? Draw out a list.
Then, see if you are like that. Like, if you like honesty in your partner, are you, yourself completely honest? If you want space from your partner, do you also give space in return? If you like to go about galavanting with your friends every now-and-then, maybe even for weekends, would you be ok if your partner does that too? “Ideally”, things you indulge in, you should be ok if your partner indulges in them too…or indulges in their own kinda things. We all have our little quirks; are you tolerant of the quirks of your (current/prospective) partner? If you expect your partner to make certain adjustments, in themselves, their behaviour, their lifestyle, for you; are you willing too to make certain adjustments for them?
For me, I love being single. Actually, I have almost always been single. Having never had the good fortune of having a loving, caring (romantically involved) person in my life, I never really got used to living with someone like that. Though I have had relationships, but they rarely involved me actually sharing living space with someone. So, for me, an ideal life partner is someone who can let me be single. Hold your horses now. The first thought that may come to most people’s mind is going crazy and sleeping around; loads of casual sex. Hell, even single people don’t really do that you know…at least not those who are mentally, emotionally, spiritually healthy and stable, not “loads”. Well, ok, sometimes. But you get my point. See, sex, ideally, should not be a priority when it comes to life partners. Though it comes pretty close as sexual satisfaction is pretty damn important for general happiness and wellbeing for most of us. On a slightly different note, why harass your husband/boyfriend for something your vibrator can do, maybe even better. Kidding…that’s just the ever-single-life-loving me talking.
What’s really important, or even more important, is companionship. Are the two of you good together outside the bedroom? Do you guys make a good team? Do you genuinely bring a smile to the other’s face, often? That can happen, if you let the other be single, or, just be themselves.
What I mean by let me be single, in a relationship, is that let me have a happy, independent life of mine own. My own little space; some me-time all to myself, sometimes; me taking solo trips, if I so wish; you know, general stuff. Of course, through it all, complete transparency is imperative. There should be no secrets, no hiding anything. It is important because I have seen people cribbing about wanting to do something, go somewhere, meet someone, but they just can’t because their partner/spouse doesn’t feel good about it. That’s the worst thing ever. Don’t stop someone from doing something that will make them happy, if you love them, esp if you love them. Don’t impose your thoughts or opinions on those around you, esp those that share your life, every single day. So be careful. Are you, maybe, doing that? Telling her not to go here/there; telling him not to see him/her; stop this; start that; why don’t you…
Stop, and think. Take a deep breath, relax, and stop, and think. Are you doing that? Are you stopping short of being a perfect, ideal partner yourself? Be constantly aware, keep correcting yourself, and what’s ideal for you, would, hopefully, fall in your lap, soon. 🙂
~As originally posted on http://www.teerathyatra.com/
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